I’ve been feeling down a lot recently, often finding that I have no motivation, no energy and no drive. It’s like I’m stuck, like I’m in a cycle of sleep, get ready for work, go to work, come back from work and go back to sleep.
I’ve found myself thinking “is this it, is this life now” by that I mean, am I supposed to remain in this dull cycle until I retire. Even then the way Britain is going, I don’t think I’ll reach retirment or if I do it’ll be after I’m 70 and there’s not a lot you can do then.
I know I’m not happy at the moment, I don’t really laugh or enjoy anything but that’s depression for you it keeps you beaten down.
I don’t want to be down anymore, but I can’t think of how to get past this blip (if it is that) and move forward.
I’ve never really had an idea of where I was going in life, no definite goal. At school it was just, pick your GCSEs, pick your A-Levels, apply for University then get a job. I didn’t know what job. The teachers just said pick a degree you like and you’ll probably get a job you like. What they don’t tell you is how hard it is to get a job, or how hard it is to get a job in the area your degree is in, or what to do if you enjoyed your degree but the jobs in that sector aren’t for you.
I’ve never had to really think about where I’m going, what’s the overall goal. It was just get your education then a job, well now I have a job but what’s next. It’s a weird feeling to describe, it’s just nothingness. An empty feeling, robotic even.
What am I meant to do from here?
Conversations With Myself 